The Friendship Testing Bus Ride

It was the trip of a lifetime.  Two friends embarking on a journey through the Canadian Rockies.  Christine and Amelia had talked about this trip for months, maybe years. They would start off in Edmonton, visit some friends, ride the rickety roller coaster in the West Edmonton Mall, search every Western apparel store for a new “cowgirl” shirt. Next would be a four day tour of the Rockies, staying two days in Banff, one in Jasper and one in Lake Louise.  The final leg of their journey would take the girls to the Calgary Stampede. The greatest outdoor show on earth! There would be many laughs, few frustrations, extraordinary photo opportunities along the way. And also one memorable bus ride…

Before I being telling you of this fateful ride, you must first hear the story of the elk burger.  While staying in Banff, Christine and Amelia wanted to try something new, a food they’d never had the courage or chance to try before.  Being a picture perfect day and following the recommendation of the front desk clerk at the Mount Royal Hotel, they settled in at the roof top restaurant The Elk and Oarsman.  With a menu  that offered many new culinary temptations, the girls quickly chose wild game burgers.  Christine, the bison burger.  Amelia, the elk burger.  Their food arrived, looking delightful.  The first bite for Amelia, however, offered something unexpected.  Rare. Ground. Elk.  With a slight roll of her stomach, she tried another bite. And tentatively, another. About one quarter way through the burger, Amelia hailed the waitress. 

“Is the burger supposed to be cooked like this?” she asked.

“Of course!” the perky waitress replied. “That is how elk is prepared.”

With a “when in Banff” attitude, Amelia choked down some more. With one third left, she knew she could not continue.  They both laughed it off and thought nothing more of it.



Remnants of the elk burger



Fastforward two days, a gondola ride, a soak in the hot springs, a walk on a glacier, a missed tour of Lake Maligne, and countless other wonderful experiences, Christine and Amelia found themselves on the three hour bus ride from Jasper to Lake Louise. Unlike some of their commutes, this bus was nearly full.  The girls settled in for the drive along the Icefields parkway, known to be one of the most beautiful scenic drives in the world, and with good reason. A few minutes in, a curious passenger innocently asked of the bus driver, “Why have we seen no moose around?”

The bus driver confidently replied, “The elk in the area carry a parasite that is harmful to the moose, so they cannot coexist in this area.”

Amelia’s face blanched.

And Christine’s mirth became completely uncontrollable.

Now disgruntled, Amelia not so kindly asked Christine to stop laughing, but to no avail.  She could not have stopped the giggles bubbling inside of her if her life depended on it. Amelia saw no other choice but to abandon her insensitive friend. Choosing a seat on the other side of the bus, she gazed out the window and tried desperately to control the panic welling within. “Could I now carry that parasite?!?!?” she wondered.

The bus rolled on and eventually Christine began to try to turn Amelia’s mood around.  But Amelia could not be rallied. Christine’s attention soon turned to the pleasant looking young man sitting directly behind Amelia.  Having ridden his bike through the mountains from Lake Louise to Jasper, “Andrew” was enjoying a relaxing bus ride back. Soon, “Patrick”, a man in his 60’s with a happy face earring and a bandana joined in on the conversation.  Patrick told of his travels backpacking around the world, sleeping on the couches of strangers he had met along the way. Andrew was an engineer originally from Toronto, but working in Michigan. The four travelers (Amelia having decided sulking wasn’t as much fun as meeting new and interesting people) talked the bus ride away.  Amelia and Andrew talked of family, cycling, the best places in the world to visit, with Amelia not paying attention to what Christine and the flamboyant Patrick were discussing. As Lake Louise came into view, the girls bid the boys a fond farewell, wishing safe travels for the rest of their respective journeys.

With a short jaunt to the Chateau left, Amelia asked Christine what her and Patrick talked about. 

“Oh! You want to know what we talked about?” she replied somewhat angrily. “Firstly, he asked me how old I am, incredulous was he at the answer.  I offered to show him my driver’s license, as he refused to believe me.  Then he told me about his three sons back in the UK, all married with children, and reminisced of how he had always wanted a daughter.  I told him simply, he had three daughters-in-law who could now fill that role. But to Patrick, that was not good enough.  He remarked that it was not too late for him.  And with a creepy gleam, he looked me straight in the eye and said ‘My sperm are still good.  I had them tested.’”

Now it was Amelia’s turn for her mirth to become completely uncontrollable.

Please note: Andrew and Patrick were not their real names.  Or maybe they were.  We don’t know.  When we saw them walking away, we realized that we did not ask either man their name.  We chose names we thought suited them.